305.

The guilt is there
Even though I push it out.
It comes back to haunt me,
Never letting me forget.
It's times like this that I hate
having a consciene - y'know?
Words like duty and obligation
echo in my head,
But anger and pain consume
my heart.
What about your duty?
Your obligation?
Is this a two-way street or
a one-way?
Life seems so fine without
you in it.
I don't have to walk on eggshells
when I'm around you;
careful not to set things off.
Do I think about you though?
To be honest - not all the time.
Maybe not even half the time.
But when I do, the guilt returns
And that tiny little voice in my
head starts up again.
I don't think you'll ever be
nobody to me.
But do I really want you to
be a somebody?
Taking a chance that things
might fall apart again.
Old wounds opened,
Scabs ripped off.
Take comfort in knowing that
you're not forgotten.
You're just there - and I'm here
wondering how everything can work.

304. Hung Up

Anxiously waiting for something
My nerves a huge mess
The jitter in my leg driving
others crazy
I got so hung up on this one
little thing
It's quite silly actually
A little embarassing to reveal
Trying to forget about it
But my mind insists on wandering
back to this spot
Driving me crazy
And the others around me
Caught up on this insignificant detail
Consuming everything within me
and around me.

303.

 The song echoes in my head.
A tune that cannot be forgotten
The rhythm makes my body move
The beat runs to my soul.

I close my eyes and see you there
You feel it too
We're both in our own worlds - miles apart
But we move - separate due to distance
Together in our souls.

Will our paths ever cross?
A slight glide by one another
Or an accidental collision because
we weren't paying attention
Because we were so focussed on the music 
Playing in our hearts. 

302. Growing up is Scary

Growing up is scary.
All these responsibilities,
duties, obligations.
Choices made that aren't out
of want but necessity.
Giving up happiness for security.
Smiling and acting like
everything's fine.
On the inside wanting to
scream and shout,
"It's my life! Leave me alone!"
Treated like a child because
age equals wisdom.
Answering to people who
don't understand.
Growing up is scary.
Becoming a robot,
A machine with no voice,
Not allowed to feel - just allowed
to accept how things ought
to be.

301.

The winds are changing,
There's a shift in the world.
I feel it and sense it
Unsure and wary, I continue on -
Cautious and safe,
Not letting go
Each step I take is different
Sometimes accepting,
At times holding back
Caught in a limbo that doesn't
seem to end
I'm stuck - should I allow it,
go forward.....
Or resist?
Fighting with all my might to hold
on to what I know,
what's safe and comfortable -
what's sure.
It's scary out there.
Can I do it alone?