348. Dancing

 I feel the music
And I want to move
I feel it deep within me
The bass beats in my bones
The rhythm flows through my body
First my toes start tapping
But soon I close my eyes
And my body sways
My hands raise up to the sky
A smile spreads across my face
And I'm singing along
My body moving
Oblivious to anything around me

Dancing is for me
A way to release stress
Connect with myself again
Feel complete joy

I dance for no one but me
Alone in my kitchen
With my kids in the family room
Or at a club surrounded by strangers

I become one with the music
And nothing, no one gets in-between.

346. Words on Paper

The word are there
All jumbled together
Wanting to come out,
With nowhere to go
The images race
through my mind
A blur of colour
   and emotion
The pen waits ... ready and poised
The paper remains blank
The pages untouched
No blemishes of any kind

Longing and desire are there
An ache of release needed
Clarity, a wish fulfilled

Wanting to make sense of things
A flurry of thoughts wish to escape
And yet they stay stuck
The words on paper do not come

345.

The sun warms my face
And the ocean breeze refreshes me
I dig my feet further into the sand
Close my eyes and take it all in
I hear the birds, the waves, 
   I smell the water, 
   taste the air
I lift my face to the sky
wrap myself in a hug
This is what paradise feels like. 

343. Daydream

Sitting here
doodling
Mind
wandering
Attention
waning
Voices and faces
get further away
With the warmth 
of the sun through
the windows shining
on my face
I go to another place
A calmer place,
peaceful and serene
I feel a breeze,
smell the air...
you're there too
Beside me
I feel the 
warmth
of your body
Feel
the touch
of your hand
A smile creeps
across my face
But I'm brought
back to the
present moment
Jarred back
to reality...
But longing to 
return to 
my daydream

339. For My Daughter

 I look at you and see your
   beauty - both inside and out
   your compassion, kindness, intelligence
I see your innocence and wonder 
   how much longer until the world
   slowly takes that away?
How do I prepare you?
Warn you of the reality 
   of growing up in a world
   that favours men?
Where you become an object
   of desire rather than the
   whole person you are
Where you're expected to act
   a certain way, dress a 
   certain way
Otherwise you're labeled as 
   emotional, bitchy or a whore
I see you my sweet girl and
   know you will do great things
I'm here beside you, I won't leave
I will help you, guide you, even 
   lead the way as an example
   if needed
And I will definitely be here when
   you feel a little broken each time
   you realize the kind of world women
   have to pave their way through. 

Hiatus (2009-2021)

May 28, 2023

I don't know if hiatus is the right word, but I definitely stopped writing for a very long time.  Or at least stopped writing in my journals of poetry.  There's a huge gap - from January 2009 to pretty much January 2021.  I can't imagine I didn't write at all during these years, but I haven't "found" it in a lost journal and my random musings on sheets of paper are also "lost."

There are a few reasons for this, top of which is life: marriage, work, kids, family, etc. 

Or maybe while I discovered these new facets of my identity, I lost touch with old, reliable ones.  
Maybe it was the pandemic or other deep experiences I had, but writing found its way back to me.  A new journal, new entries, not as frequent as they used to be, but an old comfort that was very much needed.  

I've debated for some time now if I should bother putting up some of my new stuff.  I have gone back and put up some of my old stuff, sliding it in chronologically where it belongs.   A lot of my writing is deeply personal, not shared with anyone, but the 'anonymity' of the internet gives me some separation from my identity here and my life.  (Any posts you see dated 2020 to today were published after this post, but dated to the day they were written.)

Writing is cathartic for me: an opportunity to clear my head, put my thoughts down whether they make sense or not.  At the very least they make sense to me. 

If you've read this, or any of my poetry, thank you.  You've been given a glimpse into my head and also my heart.  Some of my posts on here go back to when I was in high school.  I've changed a lot since then, grown a lot, and hopefully my writing reflects that.  From a headstrong, young girl, naïve and hopelessly romantic trying to make sense of the world.....to a headstrong, middle-aged woman, a practical (and still somewhat hopeless) romantic, a little wiser and yet still making sense of the world...this is who I am and these are my words....